I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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