um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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