I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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