physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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