I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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