never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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