it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
