Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
