I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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