god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
