Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
