Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
