i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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