apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
