I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
