So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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