bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
