so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
