8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
