Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
