His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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