It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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