great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
