Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
