where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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