last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
