Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
