All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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