And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
