Quick, to the slutcave!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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