i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
