I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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