I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
