Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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