My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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