broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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