i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
