just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
