Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
