I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
