May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
