Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
