Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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