Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
