you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
