I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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