How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
