Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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