You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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