Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
