You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
