I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Less talking, more tequila
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
