is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
